Living and Live Music
By Nancy Chan, San Diego

I was 16 years old and I was having the worst moments in my life. I had a hard time connecting with friends, family and school. The only thing I felt I can go to for comfort was cutting. I would cut myself everyday to get away from the pain and stress everyday life situations put me through. It was ultimately leading me to depression. I would hide my tears behind smiles and laughter but none of it was real and that was what hurt the most. So called friends didn't care to find out what was going on and I became the outcast. It began to effect how I saw life. I felt like I had nothing and the only way to fix that was to attempt suicide. In one morning, it went from cutting to taking pills. I had taken a few pills hoping that it would just take a little bit of the pain away, but just once. There was something in me that wouldn't allow me to keep going the way I was. I wanted to be happier and I knew I had to do something about it. A friend had handed me a flyer to a show at a local venue and I was hesitant to attend. But upon entering, I felt an adrenaline rush like no other. Hearing the live music and being in the crowd gave me a sense of belonging. It became an outlet, a place I can go without feeling worried about anything, a place where I can feel alive. After one night, I couldn't stop, I started going to shows every week and soon I began to discover a side of me I never knew. Being around people who weren't afraid to express their feelings through music in front of a hundred people showed me it was ok to be myself, no matter what others thought. I began embracing the real me. I discovered the artist in me, an artist not through music, but through photography. People say pain and suffering makes for a better artist and I believe that's what I had to go through to see who I am. Now, two years later, I'm happier than ever, I'm following my dreams, I'm no afraid anymore. I was alive before but felt dead inside, now I'm living and it is the best feeling ever!

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